i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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