They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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