i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
