When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
