i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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