I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
