I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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