i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
