Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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