So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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