Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
