McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
