I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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