the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
