dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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