respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
