I met the friendliest cop last night
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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