hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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