Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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