I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
