do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
