i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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