my phone needs a breathalizer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize