Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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