maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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