I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
