So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
