Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
