Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
