Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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