so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
