do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
