Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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