yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
