i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I want is dick and wine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
