Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we're so committed to being not committed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
