do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
