my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
