clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
