So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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