if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
