I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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