I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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