is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
