I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
