and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
