So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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