how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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