So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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