I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
