I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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