So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
