how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
