I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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