dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
