My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
