It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
where are my eyebrows?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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