did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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