Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
someone threw a dead crab at me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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