She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
