Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
