My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He shit in the fireplace
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
