first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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