did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize