she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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