I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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