He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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