yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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