You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
