Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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