It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize