Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
