Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
