did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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