Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
