I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Congratulations! We have a period
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