I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
