I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i barfeds in our rink
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
