I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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