So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
