we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize