I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
