The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize