if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
