So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
