for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
